26
Aug
09

Living the single life…..**sigh**

About two months ago, I had the opportunity to speak with Shaykh Faraz Rabbani and Sister Dania Ayoubi on a panel at the ISNA conference in Washington DC entitled Living the Single life: Benefiting from Your Time Before You get Married. It was recorded and I was debating as to whether or not post this video during Ramadan but I figured it probably https://i0.wp.com/www.psychologytoday.com/files/u45/sad_man.jpgwould make more sense to do so now rather than wait til afterward, as during this month of introspection it would serve many of us well to realize that there is nothing wrong with us if we are not married.

More often than not it becomes very hard for a person to make a critical sense as to why they want to be married so badly, but yet they aren’t married for whatever reason.   In the short time that I was allotted on this talk, I wanted to convey to the audience that it is hard to deal with the emotions that come from being single and wanting companionship, and how we need to learn to deal with those emotions constructively.   Please do share with others if you think there is benefit in it.

Thanks to Fatih Alev from Denmark for sharing the original video.   Fatih runs a group called Muslims in Dialogue that focuses on integrating Islam in a European context.  You can visit the MID website here and see the original video in its entirety here.

I’ve also posted Shaykh Faraz’s and Sister Dania’s talks as well as our Q&A session below.   Be sure to check out Shaykh Faraz’s response to the question on being obedient to one’s parents in the first part of the Q&A at 3 minutes and 15 seconds.   The entire Q&A session is pretty good so try to listen to the whole thing.

You can visit Shaykh Faraz’s blog here and check out the online classes that he teaches along with many other notable individuals at Seeker’s Guidance here.  I am going to look for an online resource for Dania Ayoubi and update this post if I find one inshallah.

I’m sure I’ll write up something more on this topic in the coming months. Please feel free to share with others

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24 Responses to “Living the single life…..**sigh**”


  1. 1 Ana Cedano
    August 26, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    wonderful! mashAllah!!!!!

  2. 2 Afraa Murriky
    August 26, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    if there is any good occasion like this, we would like to attend

  3. 3 Samira
    August 26, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    enjoying your blog, Masha’Allah

  4. 4 Amira Erfan
    August 26, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    Amazing msA!

  5. August 26, 2009 at 10:24 pm

    I loved that session! Thanks for putting it up 🙂

  6. August 26, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    I also wrote some advice for single guys and girls so please check it out:
    For the guys: http://jannah.org/blog/2009/06/05/advice-for-the-guys/
    For the girls: http://jannah.org/blog/2009/05/29/advice-for-muslim-girls/

  7. 7 Maheen
    August 27, 2009 at 3:49 am

    awesome job!! as always, mashaAllah 🙂

  8. 8 Wardah
    August 27, 2009 at 4:09 am

    JAZAKALLAH KHAIR FOR POSTING!

    I loved this session at ISNA and very much appreciated being able to re-listen again. May Allah bless you, ameen.

  9. August 27, 2009 at 4:58 am

    Chiming in with the others, mashaAllah may you be abundantly rewarded for that session. I was there. It rocked.

  10. August 27, 2009 at 5:04 am

    Know what, though? We thought that session was going to be something COMPLETELY different from what it was. Really. We were prepared for, I dunno, lists of service trips and ideas you can do as a single person that arent’ as feasible for married people.

    So yes, what we got really left us floored. MashaAllah again.

  11. 11 mariam
    August 27, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    jazakAllah khair for putting this up. Saw the link on Shk Faraz’s profile..there are a lot of us who stalk him! I really agree with sister Dania that this whole process really helps with self-knowledge. You are forced to get to know yourself, your prioties, assess your weaknesses etc. I think it is a period that bring us closer to Allah..one where we can nourish our relationship with Him..because ultimately this is the most lasting and important relationship we will ever have. This is a link to a blogpost that I came across..it is really beautifully put and has eased my heart and many of the friends I have shared it with..it is entitled ‘Reliance’.
    http://dreamlife.wordpress.com/2007/04/20/for-the-single-people-out-there/#comment-3964

  12. 12 abstractchatter
    August 28, 2009 at 6:55 am

    thanks for posting this! I’d love to hear any thoughts on a somewhat recent blog (kinda topical) http://abstractchatter.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/shaking-hands-is-forbidden-but-dating-isnt/

  13. 13 Serena
    August 29, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    This was a great talk. I’m really happy to see something other than the typical and out-of-touch “get married NOW” talks. I think a topic like this is much more true to the reality of young Muslims in America. However, I was disappointed not to hear some mention of the “Muslim marriage crisis” – the reality that there are significantly more women having trouble finding suitable partners than men. It’s causing a huge imbalance in our community and needs to be addressed seriously and immediately. All these speakers speak on the assumption that one day, we will all get married. But what about all the successful, wonderful women who have been searching well into their 30’s? We have to face the reality that many women of our generation may end up not getting married at all…and what then? What of these women growing old alone? How do we deal with that as a community? It’s scary. I appreciate Sh. Faraz’s comments on dua, but I wish someone would address a believer’s legitimate concern that while she may strive to maintain yaqeen (certainty), that she cannot deny the reality that they just aren’t enough suitable men to go around. Let’s get into the nuances now and take this topic to the next level, before it’s too late.

  14. 14 runningmuslimah
    August 30, 2009 at 5:21 am

    Wow, I didn’t know this session was online! I learned so much from that session…I mentioned some things I learned in this post: http://runningmuslimah.wordpress.com/2009/07/07/big-isna-09-part-i/

    didn’t think I would ever get to see it again! jazakullah khair to Br. Khalid Latif and the kind soul who made access to this video possible!

  15. 15 hala
    October 16, 2009 at 3:58 am

    Salam everybody,
    This is one of my favorite topics. Thanks Khalid as always it’s really nice speech..

    Serena,
    I find your question very interesting.. How about single Muslim women (or non-muslim) who are well into their thirties?
    I think that finding a suitable partner is a very difficult thing in general. My advise is:

    disclaimer: This is only my opinion. It many sound odd to many but forgive me for that.

    If you meet a man, get to know him well enough to realize that he could be a suitable partner (I am sure many women has met many potential suitable partners) then tell him so.
    I think a woman in her 30’s is very capable of knowing whether a man is good enough for her or not. The problem is sometimes the men whom they like do not initiate any move.
    She has to be confident enough to tell him that she likes him and smart enough to let him feel that if he says No then he’ll lose a million dollars.

    If he actually says no, it’s Ok. Because she KNOWS that he lost a million dollars. (Or much more 🙂 )

    Also, she has to pray that this is the right man for her. Because Allah makes husbands and wives from the same Nafs = self= soul.

    May everybody find their soulmates,
    Hala

  16. October 23, 2009 at 8:58 am

    Mariam – I’m glad you liked my post 🙂 It’s probably my favourite poem ever – even to this day, when I’ve been married 2 years. It was just pure inspiration – the way that poem came out. ALhamdullilah, it just so perfectly encapsulated my journey up to that point, and drew out the lessons I’d learned on my journey to marriage.

    It was probably a month or so after that post that I met my wife-to-be.

  17. 17 Nihal Khan
    January 5, 2010 at 3:06 am

    Is there any audio available for this talk?

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Who is doing the thinking


My name is Khalid Latif. I work as the Executive Director and Chaplain for the Islamic Center at New York University as well as a Chaplain for the NYPD, New York City Police Department.

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